Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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