my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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