if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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