Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
