I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
