also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
