My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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