I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
