lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
