If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
