that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize