im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Is Oprah even human
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
