He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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