i can't believe i had my finger in that
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
