Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
