u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
