talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
