Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
