You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
