Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
