Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
