Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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