she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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