Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Randomize
