I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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