Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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