we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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