dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
