can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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