Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
