Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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