trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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