hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
