Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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