I'm lost and stupid without you.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
