Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
