He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Is Oprah even human
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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