great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
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P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
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This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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