His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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