I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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