either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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