Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
