SEEEEXXX PLEASE
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
