Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
