well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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