I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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