Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
