Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
