If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
