The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
