Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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