Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
