Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
