Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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