i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
