Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
