No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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