Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
