My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Houston, we have a blender
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
