I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize