i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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