I forgot how hot balto sounded
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
