Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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