Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
